“As soon as we believe in something, we search for ways to prove it’s true”
As I read those words this morning, a wave of other quotes and life experiences came crashing together in my mind and then integrated into a new knowing. I was able to see one of the secrets to our happy marriage in a way I never had before.
Now that I see it, it seems so obvious that I can’t tell if it’s something everyone else already knows, or if sharing my experience has the potential to add light and positivity to your life too.
I offer you my proverbial lightening strike along with wishes for beautiful and light-filling relationships with yourself and others…
What’s the secret to our happy relationship?
To see, accept, and love every single one of the Hues of our Humanness
(in ourselves and in our partners)
Elaborating on the happy relationship secret
What does it mean to see, accept, and love every single hue of our humanness? There is actually a lot underneath those words.
Every single one
In his book about the secrets to quick and lasting life changes, Richard Bandler says, “As soon as we believe in something, we search for ways to prove it’s true.”
There are quite a number of ways that one sentence can lead to healthier and more vibrant relationships. For right now I’d like to focus the discussion on the hues of our humanness.
If we think of all the aspects of our personality as rays of light made up of every single color on the color spectrum, the application of this quote means that whether you look for pink, or green, or blue, or purple in your partner… you will find it.
What does that mean for a happy marriage. It means we are happiest when don’t pick and choose our favorite one or two colors, but when we open our eyes and soak in all of our partners colors, every single one of them!
The trap of focusing on just one hue
Focusing on just our favorite color, or our least favorite, can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Either scenario becomes destructive to a happy relationship.
When we focus the majority of our attention on our least-favorite hue, we will surely find it. If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s negative-focus, you’ll quickly realize how unpleasant it feels. The one piece of hard-earned advice I have for you if you do find yourself in that situation is to remember this quote by Epictetus:
“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘he was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone’ ” – Epictetus
There is a good possibility that if it’s your partner’s (or ex-partner’s) least-favorite of your hues, you may not fully embrace it either. Yet, denying your own hue doesn’t make it disappear, it merely pushes it out of the light (and into your shadow). This quote is a great tool for remembering to own and appreciate all of yourself, even under scrutiny.
There is a pretty good chance that the “rejected” characteristic benefits you in certain specific situations. By giving that hue your respect, you’ll be better able to limit calling upon it to times when those situations arise.
Focusing on ONLY a favorite hue is also a trap. Imagine your favorite painting or photograph. Now picture it with only one color.
Happiness in our relationships with ourselves and with our partners comes when we can see, accept, and love every single one of the Hues of our Humanness. When we feel secure to reveal all of ourselves to our partners, we open up to a higher level of connection and intimacy.
Here’s to being seen and loved AS WE ARE
Wishing your happiness and laughter!!!